Pondering thoughts late at Night

Hello all! This is the first in my mini series of posts called "Drafts and Past Thoughts" in which I am posting some past drafts, that never made it to my blog. To try and date when this post was written I would say around November 2015. I hope this may help anyone in some way and most of all I hope you enjoy! - leelou

Recently I've been wondering about what people are actually thinking when they see someone they think is attractive. I've been reading up a lot about Primary and Secondary attraction and I still can't seem to wrap my head around it all. According to the numerous sites primary attraction is when a person finds another person attractive essentially based on first impressions and physical features, such as their look and even smell. Secondary attraction is the attraction developed over time based on a relationship you have with the person, based more on an emotional connection through personality and shared experiences.

What I can't get is Primary attraction. I can see someone has nice features but I can't see the sexual attraction to someone you don't know. I honestly wonder when girls awe over Channing Tatum. I wonder if they are experiencing primary attraction towards him or are they only agreeing in the fear to be the only one not going gaga over him. I can see how girls see him as attractive, as he is portrayed as a "manly man" but I don't feel anything for him when I look at him. I can also appreciate the good looks of someone like James Franco, but I don't think I feel anything on the terms of primary attraction. I yearn more to be his friend because I enjoy his personality and humour and I think we would really just hit it off.

The struggle I've been finding myself in, is: How do you know what Primary Sexual attraction feels like and if you are feeling it.

I feel like I may never of even had a crush on someone in the terms of primary attraction. I can see good features and what is pleasing to the eye, but that's about it.

I feel like I'm more attracted to someone because of their personality, but even then I feel no need to push that relationship further than friends. I enjoy them as a person and I'd prefer to have interesting conversations.

I'm just curious what people feel when they see a shirtless picture of a guy, again lets use Channing Tatum as the example. Do you feel anything from that? Because all I see is a photo, and one that I don't even care for. I have no yearning to save it as my desktop photo or phone background... I'm just confused by this whole fascination... Do people really feel things for people they don't know and for celebrities they don't know?

I still can't figure it out and when shown a shirtless photo or a photo of a guy my friend is dating I can never come up with an appropriate response other than "oh, nice" and nodding. The problem I have is that I never been a person to use the word "hot." I've never said a guy is "hot" and I'm not sure why.

-leelou

Drafts on Drafts on Drafts

I recently rediscovered my password to this blog (I've been locked out forever!) and was welcomed by a stash of drafts that I am going to post over the next few days. It was quite a journey taking a quick look back on them. It was interesting to see all these thoughts and ideas I was internally struggling with at different points in the past year, which I came here to vent them out. They're an interesting look at self discovery and self doubt, and although they are quite personal I feel like sharing them might just help someone else. I know it would help me to know someone else is struggling in the same ways as me, and so this has pushed me to posting them. However during reading over these old posts, I hit the "save" button. So I can no longer give an exact time stamp to these posts, which is a bit of a bummer....but without further adieu, I hope you enjoy this mini series of "Drafts and Past Thoughts."

-leelou

Sad 'lil Halloween. Sew Spoopy. Sew Scary.

Today marks another Halloween. Exactly 7:33pm on October 31st, 2015 and I'm here writing. Writing this blog post. I like Halloween, and but I find myself now at 7:35pm with nowhere to go. Living in residence on my college campus there should be no excuses for me not to go out, there's probably tons of places to hit up some Halloween festivities, but still I'm here. I'm not a big party person, and I'm horrible with large groups of drunk people that I don't know. The bottom line is I'm horrible at parties, I can't do them. A few months back I watched the movie "The Zero Theorem" and this particular quote has stuck with me, "We fear parties. We never know quite where to stand." This odd little quote perfectly sums up how I feel at parties. I also never know where to put my hands. Hands are weird. Should I put them in my pockets, crossed them or just let them hang dead to my side? I don't know! I really don't know.A drink in your hand does help with this problem.

So today, on Halloween, I have decided to be a sad lil Halloween kid and have a sad lil Halloween by myself.

Maybe I'll even celebrate with a non-horror movie (I can't do horror movies by myself.)

Hope everyone else is having the most lovely Halloween. Celebrate in any way that seems right, even if it is just watching a movie alone, cause hey, that's what I'm doing!

-Leelou